A Long and Winding Path to Fatherhood

Even though we write under pen names, it’s still very much two real-life people shining through in this book and as parents to a fabulous boy of now 6 years old! If you’d like to learn a bit more about us, and how things have been going since the book left us, then read on…

Why did you write this book?

Rob: It was a gradual process, and mostly came about because people around us had so many questions about adoption, about our application, about how it actually works, and seemed really fascinated by it. We didn’t know very much when we started, and each time we talked to someone else about it, we started to notice how much we had learned, worked through and discovered. 

Eve: It came out of reflection too, as we looked back over the last couple of years and recognised how far we had come. Writing it down, putting it all in order, re-visiting all those steps was a way of processing it all. Plus that realisation that a dad’s voice was one we had so rarely encountered, so we thought ‘why not?’.

What has been your biggest surprise / misconception about being adoptive parents so far?

Eve: That being an adoptive parent wouldn’t be as physical an experience as having been pregnant and giving birth to our child. I thought that biology was responsible for ongoing hormonal reactions in the body, but it’s happened anyway. Our bodies and brains adapt and react to being around a child, and prioritising him. Even without a genetic tie…

What do you feel is the biggest difference between you and biological parents in your / Marcus’s friendship group?

Rob: We’ve been parents for 3 years less than all the others. Marcus’s development is exactly where it should be for his age, but as parents we are still lagging behind in some areas, like leaving him with other people for a night out together. We will get there, when we feel he’s ready. And we are too!

How do you handle telling outsiders that you are adopters?  

Eve: My dentist commented that Marcus’s name was nice, and asked me why we chose it. I lied, which I try not to do generally, but this time I said “we just liked it”, rather than the truth – which is that we didn’t have a choice. He came to us fully named and noisy and running and personality-filled. This wasn’t someone I felt the need to share more information with. In other situations, where I know the person better or I’m likely to do so in future, such as in a new job, I tend to be more upfront about it and just tell people early on. I don’t want it to be a secret, or whispered about behind my back. I’d rather just throw it out there. But Rob is still very reticent about sharing this information. Some things never change!